Farewell Talk

Here is the talk that Sister Szilagyi gave on Nov. 10th for her Missionary Farewell:

Good morning everyone. I’ve given quite a few talks from this pulpit, but this is one talk that I have been greatly anticipating for some time.

Our theme for today is faith.

The main obstacle that I faced when writing my talk for today was condensing my thoughts into a few short minutes. If it takes a lifetime to understand and build your individual faith, giving someone 12 minutes to talk about it seems a bit unfair, but I will do my best.

Today I am going to give you a step by step guide for how to attain your own individual faith. 5 easy steps. Everyone have their pencils ready?  Step 1 is: There isn’t a step by step guide of how to find faith. Wouldn’t that be nice? Steps 1-5 and then you have it all figured out. No need for doubt, discouragement or confusion. But I can’t give that to you. In the church, we are given many tips on how to strengthen and nurture faith (and you have all heard them a hundred times: read your scriptures, go to church, pray, serve others…), and we sometimes assume that that is it. Once we complete this list, we will find faith. And if that doesn’t happen, we did something wrong. Or that there is something wrong with us. As a child growing up in this church, I heard “Sunday school” answers every Sunday. And I did those things. I followed the rules. But something was missing. No one had really addressed the fact that even if you do all those wonderful things that you had been told your entire life, and they are wonderful, sometimes you can still feel lost. Or confused. Or alone. Or doubtful.

Now some of you may be a little confused. You may be thinking, well, it sounds like you didn’t have a lot of confidence in your faith Natasha and now you are leaving on a mission to teach people about finding faith for 18 months… that doesn’t really add up.  I can understand your confusion. But hopefully over the next few minutes, I can make things a little more clear.

I cannot give you step by step guide for you to find your faith. Faith is an extremely personal thing. It is something that we talk about openly, all the time, but when it comes down to it, your faith is yours. And that is precisely why I can’t tell you how to exactly find yours, but I CAN tell you a few things that really helped me to find mine.

Let’s begin with the idea of doubt. We have all had doubt at one time or another in our lives. For some of us, it is fleeting, for others, consuming. I want to make something very clear. Having doubt is not wrong, doing nothing about it is. Our church was restored by a boy who had some very important questions, who had doubt. However, Joseph Smith did not sit in his room and stew about how his parents didn’t have all of the answers, or that multiple people were telling him multiple things. He did something about it. He used his resources. He read and searched his Bible and came upon the verse James 1:5: “If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally, and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him.” And then Joseph prayed.

In my search for personal faith, I had many questions. I had topics that I didn’t feel comfortable discussing with friends. I had issues that had to do with doctrine and church history that just didn’t sit right with me. So I wrote down my questions. And for every question, I used my resources. I used the Bible Dictionary and Topical Guide and looked up scriptures about every subject. I went to church teachers and people that I trusted and asked for their assistance. I went on LDS.org and researched every topic that I had a question about and read what the leaders of our church had said on the matter. I looked up general conference talks, devotionals, any material that I could find from gospel sources, until I found an answer that made sense to ME. And then I would move on to my next question. I have found an answer to every question I have ever had. As President Uchtdorf so beautifully stated in this last general conference, “Doubt your doubts before you doubt your faith.” Doubt is not wrong, doing nothing about that doubt is.

Now, we have established that it is okay to have doubts, but what are we to do about finding or strengthening our faith? That brings us to action. Faith is not passive. Faith is about movement, about aid, about change, about action. Miracles are performed using faith, we walk by faith, we fight the good fight of faith… All of these phrases inspire or promote action. As James 2:22 reads: “Seest thou how faith wrought with his works, and by works was faith made perfect?”

It was never intended for us to sit and hope that faith finds us. If I find my faith wavering, or if I am having doubts, I act. And if you have never had the experience of feeling overcome with faith through action, do not give up. Try something new. A different activity, a different act of service. As President Uchtdorf has said, “Believing in God is commendable, but most people want to do more than listen to inspirational sermons or dream of their mansions above. They want to put their faith into practice. They want to roll up their sleeves and become engaged in this great cause.”  When you push yourself in service, sometimes you force yourself to rely on a higher being or on others that the Lord has put in your path. You unintentionally create opportunities to gain faith. Putting ourselves in situations of service allows for us to not only receive the blessings that come from it, but to experience these faith-promoting events. 

When I moved away from home for my first year of college, I felt as though my faith began to weaken. I tried to put my finger on why I was feeling the way I was, and I finally realized that I was not serving. I had not recognized that by being an active Mormon youth, I had been willingly serving my community and my fellow man for the majority of my life. Whether it had been through youth activities, like planting trees or cleaning parks, baking cookies and visiting a friend in need, or serving as a secretary or first counselor in young women’s; I had been surrounded by opportunities to serve. When I came to this conclusion, I vowed to become more involved. I began volunteering in local schools because I knew that I loved being around children, and I eventually served on the Institute Council in Bellingham, which proved to be extremely rewarding. But I had to LOOK for these opportunities to serve. They did not just appear in my lap. I had to act.

So, how do you know if this faith you have or are experiencing is real? The answer is not going to be the same for everyone, but for me, that answer was found in one simple word: peace. We live in a noisy world. One that is filled with headlines telling us how to be happiest and what gadget will bring us the most joy. We are indoctrinated to never settle, never back down, and never be content. There is always something better, brighter, shinier, newer…  that will make us more happy than we were before. We can’t eat dinner without the tv on, we can’t study without our headphones in, we can’t sit wait in line without checking our facebook. We are terrified of quiet.

In the Topical Guide under the word peace, it says: see also: silence. Some of us, even if we make the effort to turn off the devices, we take a moment to breathe, or we lay down in our beds at night, we still cannot find silence. Our minds continue to whir, sometimes even louder than that tv set or that last song. And we cannot find peace.

As human beings we trick those around us every day. “How are you?” “Great!” You do not feel even remotely great. “You’re always smiling!” Inside, I’m really not. Or we even trick ourselves. Tricking our minds to feel happy while watching a movie or scared from hearing a scary story. In my life, I feel like I’ve been a pretty good actor. I’ve made people believe that I’m happy when I wasn’t. And I’m particularly good at tricking myself. “You’re fine, you can start that paper in another hour.”

I can fake many emotions. But there is one emotion that I cannot fake. That is peace. And there is a reason why I know I cannot fake it. If I could fake peace, I would have done that a long time ago.

There is someone who goes by many names: Redeemer, the son of God, the Prince of Peace. Christ brings me peace. He brings me peace through reading about His life and His ministry. He brings me peace when I am forgiven from the sin that he, himself, atoned for. He brings me peace when I am following His teachings and example by serving others, by taking the sacrament, and by singing hymns in His praise. Mark 4:39 reads: “And he arose, and rebuked the wind, and said unto the sea, Peace, be still. And the wind ceased, and there was a great calm.” If Christ could bring peace to the sea, don’t you think that he could bring peace to one of his brothers or sisters that he sacrificed his life for? He can. And He does.

I am a chronic doubter. I would more often like to sit and think, rather than go out and act. And finding peace has never been easy for me. And yet today, I can stand before you and say, without a shadow of doubt, that I know that this gospel is true. I know it is true and good because I could not accomplish all of the things that I have mentioned today without my Heavenly Father and His son, Jesus Christ. And that is the amazing thing about faith. It is your journey. It is your experience. And it should be just that: yours.

In the words of Richard C. Edgley: “Because of the conflicts and challenges we face in today’s world, I wish to suggest a single choice—a choice of peace and protection and a choice that is appropriate for all. That choice is faith. Be aware that faith is not a free gift given without thought, desire, or effort. It does not come as the dew falls from heaven. The Savior said, “Come unto me” (Matthew 11:28) and “Knock, and it shall be [given] you” (Matthew 7:7). These are action verbs—come, knock. They are choices. So I say, choose faith. Choose faith over doubt, choose faith over fear, choose faith over the unknown and the unseen, and choose faith over pessimism.”

I am choosing to spend the next 18 months of my life dedicated to helping others on their individual paths to find faith. I know that the Lord can change lives, because He has changed mine. I know that the Lord can change minds, because He has changed mine. And I know that the Lord can change hearts, because above all else, He has changed mine.

I know that we have a father in Heaven who loves us beyond anything any of us could possibly comprehend. I know that He has restored His gospel to the earth today in order to give us all the chance to live the happiest, most fulfilling lives that we can. I love the Lord and I love His teachings. And for this knowledge I am eternally grateful. I say these things in the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.