Love Eliminates Fear

Where to start? At the end of your first week at the MTC, you feel as though you've been here for months. At the end of your second, it feels like it's been a day. It is quite the phenomenon, but every missionary experiences it. My love for my district continues to grow. We got a new batch of missionaries on Wednesday and they all kept saying, "I can't believe you guys have only known each other for week!" It really is remarkable how close we've gotten. The hardest thing in the world is not being able to hug all the elders. Which sounds bad, but if one of your new best friends just committed an investigator to baptism, you'd wanna hug him too! But, life goes on. The first time our district had personal exercise time all together, I challenged everyone to a wall-sit contest. And guess who won? This girl. That's right. The MTC's been good to me hahah.

I want to take a moment and talk about Elder S and Elder V again. I don't know if I mentioned this last time, but they are our new Zone Leaders, and they could not be any sweeter. I have never seen love like those two share. I'm serious. I don't know what they're going to do apart, but their companionship is a better love story than... anything. LOVE, ladies and gentlemen, true love.

Once again, I am the mama bear. I comfort girls who are crying their eyes out, fold down elder’s collars, make sure we're all on time, and make sure the Elders eat their veggies. Somebody has to. Elder V drinks 3 separate glasses of chocolate milk with each meal, for crying out loud. With that being said, I think the most difficult thing that I've been facing at the MTC is my need for control. In all aspects. The thing is, when it comes to working with/for the Lord, you have no control. He has all the control. And I'm trying to remember that/get better at accepting that every day. He's the boss, not me. As a missionary (and in life in general), I am to turn to the Lord first. Pray first. Ask Him first. Do nothing without first consulting Him. And it's difficult, but we all have areas in which we can improve.

I am one tired bugger. The MTC has been amazing experience, and absolutely emotionally, physically, and spiritually draining. But so worth it. Sunday was probably the busiest Sunday of my life. Sacrament meeting was at 7:30 (no more complaining about 9:00 AM church ever again!), and we were able to watch “Music and the Spoken Word” (a Mormon Tabernacle Choir broadcast), and have Relief Society with every sister missionary on campus. The caliber of speakers that we are privileged to hear from at the MTC is out of this world. The Sunday night devotional featured Sister Mary Ellen Edmunds, an absolute hoot of a woman. She made me laugh so hard, my sides hurt, and cry until my eyes hurt. It was wonderful. And sitting in one auditorium with all those missionaries? There is not another feeling like it. It is impossible not to feel overwhelmed by a sense of hope when sitting in that company. The movie we watched that night was entitled "The Character of Christ". It was actually a taped MTC devotional given by David A. Bednar. I highly recommend it. If you can find it somehow. 

Monday was probably my most difficult day at the MTC. I was feeling mighty discouraged after hearing everyone's amazing experiences with their new TRC (teacher resource center) investigators. Especially since our lesson was just okay. I talked too much, thought too critically, and didn't teach with the spirit. And I was very upset with myself. Because I did everything that I knew I wasn't supposed to do. When we got back to our room, I talked to one of the sisters in our district who is going through some insecurities/doubts with her testimony, and I was able to share my "why I'm on a mission story", and I felt a lot better. Helping people helps me.

This week, I learned how to actually read the Book of Mormon (I've been doing it wrong my whole life). And this is probably going to sound silly, and you're going to think really? Really? That is the most obvious thing to do in the entire world, but it changed my perspective. So, here it goes. One of our angels, I mean teachers, Sis Card, had us write down questions that we wanted answers to. Questions for God. And one of mine was, "Why can't I feel the spirit more? Why can't I really hear you?" We then, slowly, and carefully, began reading from 3 Nephi 11, and straight up revelation occurred, people. From Nephi 11:4-7, I learned that maybe when I think that He's not speaking, He's already spoken 2 or even 3 times, and my ears were just not open. It was such a simple, but beautiful, example of one the most basic principles that we are teaching our investigators. That they will receive direct answers to their prayers by reading the Book of Mormon. We also had another scripture reading experience in the late afternoon, where I was in charge of leading the group/asking thought-provoking questions, and that was one of the best feelings I've ever experienced. We were just reading in 1 Nephi Chapter 1, and even though we only got through 16 verses, the insight and revelations we received were incredible. During the discussion, I made the comment that because God is perfect, His every action is perfect. Therefore, every single thing He does has purpose. God has no "throw-away" moments. Can you imagine how we would be different if we, as humans, had no more throw-away moments? Brings a whole new level of understanding to work and using our time wisely. It truly is a holy principle. And our goal is to become like Him. Good stuff man. I love this gospel. God never wastes time, why should we?

One of my favorite experiences at the MTC occurred on Tuesday, when I performed in the choir for the Tuesday night devotional. Singing in a choir with hundreds of other missionaries, singing about Christ? Heaven.

And remember how downtrodden I was on Monday about our new investigator's appointment? Well on Wednesday, we had a complete 180. Sister Kendall and I had the most wonderful lesson with Melissa. And I mean, THE MOST WONDERFUL. It could not have gone any better. That morning, I was in the shower, and I wasn't even thinking about Melissa and then all of a sudden, I had a thought that we need to ask Melissa about her relationship with Christ, and teach her about the plan of salvation. And, oh boy, did that work out. The entire lesson was an open dialogue inspired by Heavenly Father. Every question she had led directly to our next topic perfectly, and those questions were deep and pertinent. And the answers and analogies I gave? They were not from my brain, I can tell guarantee that. She kept saying, "Wow, that's amazing", and "That makes so much sense!" It was amazing. After the lesson, much heel-clicking and hugging ensued between Sis Kendall and I. I cannot even begin to imagine how much joy I will feel when I am teaching a real investigator.

Some final, scattered, random thoughts: Love eliminates fear, the two cannot exist at the same time.

And miracles are the natural result of the correct application of true principles. (D&C 130:20-21)

How awesome is that last one? Awesome.

Thank you for the packages/letters this last week. I love you all. 

Sister Szilagyi